Better Listening

There are three things, we all believe, that make you a good listener. 

  Letting people talk without interrupting.

  Using facial expressions and the occasional “Mm-hmm” to show you are engaged, and….

  Repeating some of what was said; sometimes word for word.

Most of us think we are good listeners, but we can do so much better.  An article posted on the Harvard Business Review Blog by Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman, of Zenger Folkman, suggests that there are four areas that have great importance in successful listening.

After conducting a development program designed to help managers become better coaches they found many characteristics that moved people from average to outstanding listeners.  They grouped these into four main findings.

Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks.  People perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight.  This assures the speaker that the listener both heard and comprehended what was said.  “Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialogue, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. “

Good listening includes interactions that build up a person’s self-esteem.  Good listeners make the other person feel supported and “create a safe environment in which issues and differences can be discussed openly.”

Good listening is seen as a cooperative conversation.  “In the interactions we studied, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments made by the other.  By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive – as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response.”

Good listeners tend to make suggestions. “In the study, good listening invariably included some feedback that was provided in a way others would accept, and that opened alternative paths to consider.”  The authors stated, “This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.”  Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be more about the skill with which those suggestions are made.  Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners.”

While many of us may think of being a good listener as like being a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, what these findings show is that you can bounce ideas off a good listener, and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize and clarify your thinking.  The authors concluded that “the highest and best form of listening comes in playing the same role for the other person that a trampoline would play for a child:  It gives active support, energy, acceleration, height, and amplification.  These are the hallmarks of great listening.”

In our roles as telephone answering service agents, managers, customer service people or sales representatives, the better our listening skills are, the more successful we will be.