When Conflict Rears Its Ugly Head…

 You want to act quickly before it can build.  Conflict will negatively affect your relationships with your staff and even your family and can quickly slide into a serious situation.  So, when you see someone roll their eyes in a meeting, fail to follow through on an assignment, or actively avoid you, take notice!  It is time to take steps to address the situation. 

When you sense that something isn’t right, find out what’s wrong, immediately.  Don’t let it linger.  Try to talk to this person within 24 hours, so it doesn’t build.  It will never get any easier.  Here are the steps to take to make it as non-confrontational as possible.

Step 1 – “When I heard/ saw/ read … whatever.

Step 2 – I was upset, worried, concerned (even angry) …

Step 3 – … because I thought … whatever.

Step 4 – What I’d like in the future is …

For example, a conversation could go like this:  “When I saw you roll your eyes at the meeting, I felt upset and concerned because I thought that meant you didn’t support the decision and you were letting your feelings show nonverbally rather than telling me directly.

In the future, I would like you to say what you are thinking – tactfully, so others don’t become uncomfortable.  It’s OK to disagree with me, if everyone in a group always agreed, it would mean some people aren’t giving the issue much thought.  There is almost always more than one way to do something.  If you have information I don’t have, or if you see things differently, let’s get it out where we can all understand.  We want the best information available to make our business decisions.  Your idea may be better than mine.  Even if we need to agree to disagree, we still need to hear other points of view.”

Then it is time to let the other person talk, and you want to listen carefully to understand what the problem is, because they may deflect, or insist that you are mistaken, but there is almost always something wrong.  Giving someone a chance to explain shows you are reasonable and are taking their feelings into consideration.  It also lets them know that you won’t ignore this kind of issue and that you want to work together.

Be sure that you end on a good note.  Thank the person for having this conversation, admit that you are happy that you have both cleared the air, be sure that there is no continued resentment.  It is a good idea, after a day or two to reach out in a friendly way and invite the person to work with you in some way or take a break with you, whatever is appropriate.  And compliment them whenever possible to show there are no hard feelings.  Be sure you don’t hold grudges, forgive and forget and move on.

Making sure that insubordination or any other kind of conflict is resolved quickly and fairly, and that you are able to move on, is the sign of a good leader.

 

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